Ah, weddings – the time to celebrate love, eat free food, and show off your dance moves. But before you hit the dance floor and request "YMCA" for the fifth time, you've got to figure out what to wear.
Fear not, we've got you covered with these hilariously sarcastic do's and don'ts for men's wedding attire.
Do: Look like you're attending a wedding, not a funeral. Sure, black suits are classic, but you're here to celebrate love, not mourn it. Try adding some color to your ensemble.
Don't: Unless it is the dress code, don't show up in a tuxedo with tails and a top hat unless you're the groom or planning to perform a magic show. You're a guest, not a Victorian-era gentleman or an extra from "Downton Abbey."
Do: Wear a tie or a bowtie, but don't get too creative with novelty options. As much as you adore your rubber duckie tie, this is not the time to display your quirky sense of humor. Keep it classy.
Don't: Wear white. We know, you look dashing in your white suit, but there's only one person who should be wearing white at a wedding – and that's the bride. Save your "Miami Vice" look for another occasion.
Do: Accessorize with panache. A pair of tasteful cufflinks or a pocket square can add a touch of sophistication to your outfit. Just make sure your accessories don't outshine the bride's jewelry. You're here to blend in, not steal the show.
Don't: Wear sunglasses indoors. This isn't a "Men in Black" audition. Save the shades for outdoor or when you're nursing a hangover the next day. Oh and also, don't wear sunglasses on photos...
Do: Wear comfortable shoes. You'll be dancing, mingling, and possibly participating in a conga line – this is no time for blisters or aching feet. Just avoid the urge to wear your favorite sneakers. Keep it classy, remember?
Don't: Wear a kilt unless you're Scottish or attending a Celtic-themed wedding. As dashing as you may look, rocking a kilt to a non-Celtic wedding is a fashion risk best left untaken. No one wants an impromptu bagpipe performance during the ceremony.
Do: Embrace patterns, but in moderation. A tasteful checkered shirt or a subtly striped suit can add visual interest to your ensemble. Just don't go overboard and end up looking like a walking optical illusion.
Don't: Wear jeans, even if the wedding is casual. Sure, you may think you're rocking the "smart casual" look, but there's a fine line between casual and "I just rolled out of bed." Opt for chinos or dress pants instead.
Don't: Overdo it with cologne. A wedding is not the time to test your new "Eau de Sasquatch" scent. Lightly scented or unscented products are your friends here. Remember, you're attending a wedding, not a fragrance convention.
With these Do's and Don'ts, you'll be well-equipped to navigate the complex world of men's wedding attire. Remember, when in doubt, keep it classy and have fun. After all, it's a celebration of love, and your outfit should reflect that joyous spirit. Happy wedding-going!